The NC Polyamory Discussion Mailing List is a communication and discussion list for North Carolina area polyamorous and poly- friendly folk, and poly-folk who have interest in the poly community in North Carolina.
The volume on the list is low and it can be quiet from time to time. However, the desire is for this to be a discussion list, and to that end I encourage people to speak up. It would be nice (though it is not required) if you would post a short introduction of yourself so that people currently on the list can get to know you.
IMPORTANT MEMBERSHIP NOTE:There are few requirements for joining, with the main requirement being that you join the list purely personal reasons. If you are a reporter looking wanting to work on a story, or a mental health care professional looking for research material, or anyone else who is coming to this list for reasons other than a personal private interest in the subject of polyamory, we respectfully request that you not join. Instead, contact the list-owner and explain your interest beforehand, and actions will be taken to see if your presence is acceptable to the group at large.
Another requirement is that you read this Welcome message from beginning to end. This will avoid you having to ask questions on the list that are already answered in this message. I also request that you save this message so that if you have questions in the future, you can look here before asking on-list.
DO NOT DELETE THIS MESSAGE!!
Please save this entire message to a mailbox or a file for future reference. (See UNSUBSCRIBING below!)
ADMIN DETAILS FOR NCPoly
The list-owner address for NCPoly is:
Please send requests for general information, technical problems, etc. to this address. These requests are handled by a real person, not a list server. Please do not expect immediate service.
The list-server address for NCPoly is:
Please send requests to subscribe, unsubscribe, requests for updated list of recipients, or requests to modify user's options (e.g. to turn on DIGEST mode) to this address. These requests are handled by a list server and will be handled automatically.
This mailing list is managed by the LISTSERV software package. Users new to the use of LISTSERV are encouraged to read the online files LISTSERV REFCARD and LISTSERV GENINTRO. These two files can be retrieved by sending the following commands in the body of a mail message to the LISTSERV list processing address email@example.com:
Upon receiving these commands in the mail message, the LISTSERV system will return the requested files. All user-level commands will be detailed in these documents including how to turn off mail delivery on a temporary basis or requesting daily digests instead of individual mailings of posts to the list.
POSTING TO NCPoly
The posting address of the list is:
Replies automatically go to the list. Check the address before sending private mail, or risk being embarrassed! ;-) Please include your e-mail address in your posts so people have a way to reply to you privately.
All subjects are OK, but it's expected that discussions *should* mostly center around polyamory.
No Flaming: Differing opinions are welcome, but flaming is strongly discouraged. If you disagree with someones ideas, please do so in a respectful manner without insulting them as a person. Conversely, if someone disagrees with your views, please do not take it as a personal insult. However, overt insults are *not* tolerated, and will result in being placed on REVIEW and/or removal from the list. Furthermore, as flamewars escalate tempers can flare .... but even in that circumstance one thing that will result in immediate removal will be the posting of language which can be viewed as being directly threatening. That will NOT be tolerated.
No Harassing: Behavior that will not be tolerated is overt harassment by one listmember of another listmember. In particular, if you write a listmember off-list, and are requested to cease corresponding with that individual ... please do so. On a list which can be construed by some to have a sexual content, this sort of behavior is particularly worrying and can result in removal from the list.
No Advertising: Posts advertising commercial products or services are forbidden, unless they are directly connected with polyamory (i.e., it's OK to advertise your book or workshop about poly, but that's about it). Personal ads are not welcome. You can indicate your availability for a relationship, but please do so in the context of a discussion.
No Trolling: Trolling is the act of posting with the sole goal of trying to pick up a date/partner, often sounding like a request for casual sex. This list is not a "pickup joint" and should not be treated as such. Do not post to the list submissions that read like a "personals ad" There is a fine line between a post which introduces yourself, and one that sounds as if it is trolling for partners. The judge of whether you have gone over that fine line is, as usual, the list-owner.
Crossposting: The NCPoly address is public, however I would request that you not crosspost to other mailing lists. The list is configured to reject posts from anyone not -on- the list, and when people respond to a crossposted e-mail, they may direct mail to -this- list unintentionally causing a bounce message to be sent to me. Please save me the headache! You can post something here that you've posted elsewhere, or vice versa with permission of anyone you've quoted, but please make the posts separate to avoid problems.
Confidentiality: While this issue is addressed above with some of the comments about Crossposting, it is important enough a topic that it should be addressed directly. E-mail posted on this mailing list is private, is owned by those posting the messages, and is to be kept in strict confidentiality. Sharing these posts with anyone not on the list without the express permission of the originators of the e-mail is not allowed. Use of any of these postings, or any information taken from these postings, for professional purposes without the express permission of the originators of the e-mail is not allowed. If an e-mail is used, express permission of every author of the e-mail (in the case where multiple e-mail messages are quoted, and are thus combined into a single message) must be obtained.
Archives: Related to the previous two entries, this is about confidentiality and respecting individual's privacy. It is legitimate to create a personal archive of postings from the list, but it is NOT acceptable to share them with anyone else, even other list-members. It should be the case that the only way anyone should get a posting is by either having recieved it from the listserv while subscribed, or having it forwarded to them with the explicit permission of ALL authors in the posting. It should seem clear enough from the entries above that sharing posts is not acceptable on this list, but the issue of sharing private archives had come up enough times that I felt it warranted it's own entry in the Welcome message.
Copyright: Please respect copyrights. Do not post copyrighted material to the list. If you need/want to share material which has a copyright not owned by yourself, post a pointer to the material instead.
In reality, we have had very few problems on this list to date, none serious. My policy is that if someone posts inappropriate material they are contacted and reminded of the list guidelines. If they persist, they are put on REVIEW and each post is "ok"ed by the list-owner. If after a reasonable period of time they choose to abide by the guidelines of the list they will be taken off REVIEW and can freely post again. Otherwise, they are removed from the list and are not allowed to return.
FORWARDING NCPoly POSTINGS
You should have permission of the poster(s) before forwarding posts. This is considered generally accepted net-etiquette.
For general permission to forward posts to a specific person, post a query to the list giving their name and relationship to you (e.g., "does anyone mind if I forward interesting posts to my partner
?" If anyone objects, please do not forward that person's posts.
For permission to forward specific post(s), ask the poster(s) in private e-mail.
If you do not want your posts forwarded, please post a message to the list. Because new people members may not have seen your message, you might also consider noting in your .sig that you don't want your posts forwarded.
Please remove the NCPoly address from forwarded posts. Please ask those to whom you forward posts not to send them to others.
While these measures may seem restrictive, the reason for them is that it is inevitable that we will have individuals of differing sensibilities on the privacy of their posts, and the desire is to lean in the direction of caution such that we foster a comfortable and safe environment.
UNSUBSCRIBING FROM NCPoly
One of the most common things to see on any mailing list is a post from a member saying, essentially, "How do I get off this list?" If you save this file for NO OTHER REASON, save it for this one bit of information.
To get OFF the list, simply send the single line below to the listserv address (i.e.
Do this from the account where you receive the NCPoly mailings and you will be automatically removed. Additionally, you can e-mail to the list-owner address (i.e. firstname.lastname@example.org) and ask to be removed and the list owner will do it for you. *Please* don't send the request to the posting address unless you have NO OTHER WAY to figure out how to sign off.
If you have *any* questions feel free to e-mail the list owner address and I'll be happy to clarify or assist in any way I can.
USER OPTIONS FOR NCPoly
There are a number of popular options which can be set by the user with this Listserv software. All of these commands should be address to the list-server address (email@example.com) from the account that receives the list mail.
If you want to turn mail off for a period of time, but do NOT want to unsubscribe, send the following line in the _body_ of the e-mail message sent to the list-server address :
SET NCPoly NOMAIL
If you have filtering software on your mailer (whether it be electronic or just your eyeballs) which works best to identify list mail if it has a "tag" on the Subject: line, and would like a tag to be automatically added to all posts you receive send the following line :
SET NCPoly SUBJECTHDR
Once you have issued this command, all future e-mail messages from the list will have the subject line prefaced with the text "NCPOLY" This is helpful for people who need some regular text with which to sort their incoming mail into mailboxes, or people who want an easy way to identify list-mail when they scan their inbox.
Finally, thanks for joining the list. Please respect the privacy of all those on the list. Please respect the opinions and lifestyle choices of all those who are on the list. Please join in and share your thoughts and views too! :)
And don't forget to send your introduction to the list!